Yankees in Tara

That's what Scarlet said in "Gone with the Wind", dramatically clutching her neck (where her pearls would be, were she properly dressed), gasping at the horror of it all. I'm not quite that dramatic (maybe some would argue that I am), but sometimes the Yankee invasion does get to me.

Instead of ranting about what Yankees do that bug me, I thought I'd give all the Yankees out there some insight into how us Southerners think and why we do what we do. I will give it to them, if you are not from here, it can be a challenge. These may seem harsh, but all true.

1. "That was interesting" is a nice way of saying we hated it and don't ever want to do it again.
2. You do not need to voice your every thought and opinion. It's called a filter, get one. We are an indirect people.
3. Just because "that's how we pronounce it in New Jersey" does not make it correct.
4. Quit telling us it's hot, we know, you're the one that moved here.
5. Yes, casseroles are for every life event (birth, death, injury, illness). If you don't want it just throw it away, but give us our baking dish back.
6. "Hey" is a universal greeting.
7. Quit talking over us, we talk slow, that's not going to change. Small talk is a big deal. If you can't think of anything else, talk about the last time it rained, any local sports team, or share a deep dark family secret. All of this is acceptable.
8. Just accept "ya'll".
9. "Bless her heart" put at the end of any sentence immediately absolves us from the bad thing we just said about someone. For example: "She is as dumb as a box of rocks, bless her heart".
10. For good measure, just refer to the civil war as "the war of northern aggression".

I know some of it makes no sense, but trust me. Do these things, and you will make friends quickly here in the South.